september 3rd, 2008
“You’ll never be anything. Even if you make it to New York, you’ll just be a small town girl in the big city.
Why?
You lack the drive. The motivation.
You’re not willing to bleed for what you want.
Lap it up, baby and fucking thank me.
Because your urge to prove me wrong is going to be the greatest motivation you EVER get.”
wow fuck i still can’t believe that you actually said this to me.
still proving you wrong, by the way.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him die
and we sleep together like that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man weep, but I don’t weep,
do
you?-Bukowski
i read this and cried. that has never happened to me before. every time i read “i know that you’re there, so don’t be sad” i feel the heat coming back to my eyes. it’s so sad and if you can’t see that, i suggest you read it again and look into yourself.january 24th, 2012
last time i was here it was raining
it ain’t raining anymore.
if if if if if
i don’t want to know what if.
why did i ask what if?
(Source: Spotify)
the first time that you look at someone’s photo, and your stomach doesn’t drop anymore.
that’s a really good moment.
and that may be childish of me, but i don’t care.
i’m so quick to judge and yet i forget what they say that “everyone is fighting a hard battle” and maybe i see too much of my former self in you and i hear all of my ache in your words and somehow that’s turned me hateful because you always hate the things that remind you of yourself or maybe not because in reality i hate the person i turn into when i harbor negativity and i see you making the same mistakes as me and loving all of the people who won’t love you the way they should and i want to shake you and tell you how you’d be better off but what do i know really because i do all of the same things and it’s not about loyalty or keeping allegiance to any side it’s about loving each other as people because in an ideal world we all would.
and i just needed to say that.
Scarecrow by Delta Spirit
every now and then i stop and remember the weight i carried around in my chest for so long. i forget how much lighter i feel now. it’s not to vilify you or take all the blame off of me. i’m just able to step back and see it all differently now.
and your pictures made their way under my skin better than you ever really could. and that’s okay. it’s okay now. i see it now.
i want you to find the piece that is missing. i want the storm inside of you to calm. i don’t know if that will ever happen, but it’s no longer my business to know.
you are a leech, and you are sucking every bit of me out to make it your own.
a life that is borrowed is no life at all.
my true colors are starting to show.
i don’t think i like them. not one bit.
the beauty of life is that you can always repaint them.
(Source: in-the-winter-i-wander)
i’m sad for so many people. i’m always sad for the people who don’t deserve my compassion. my heart is full of other people’s ache.
drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
every once in a while i stumble across a photo of you and i think “what happened?”
it’s strange that someone you once held close to your heart is now a stranger, and will never be anything more than that.
i spend a lot of time in this in-between phase thinking of people from the past, wondering where they are now. they all look older, and their photos look foreign to me now. it’s odd when you completely cut someone out. the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” is actually a lot truer than most people want to admit. pretty soon it doesn’t sting anymore.
and i’m older too, and none of them have any idea of the marks they left on me…mostly because i kept everything all to myself. and while i was pointing fingers and accusing them all of keeping me at arm’s length, maybe i was doing the same thing.
some things never change.
there is a whole layer to me that i keep for myself. i tend to keep a lot of things to myself, living in my own head. it’s easier that way usually. but there are so many lovely things i want to say and so many stories i want to tell you. there are some people that have beautiful things behind their eyes. you can see it when they talk, or when a thought hits them and they smile to themselves; the hint of melancholy behind the soft chuckle. i see it everywhere; i’m always watching. and maybe i study your face when you speak. and maybe i just need to get some sleep.
i want to let myself go.
(Source: 1000scientists, via bavarde)
